Thursday, May 8, 2008

REAL Dependance on Almighty God.

8:30 AM by Christi Bowman

In the gospels, Jesus tells Satan, while He is being tempted in the wilderness, while fasting, that man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God. WHAT? I used to think that was a passage only for the ultra religious people, because just being honest, my body needs food. Sometimes I felt bad about admitting my body's need for food...who are the people who can just live by God's word? God must REALLY like these people, I used to think ( perverse views of God destroy you).

I wrote Deuteronomy 8:2-5 down in my journal about a month ago, and I found a blank page next to it. This passage obviously stood out to me, but looking back, I must not have known why it stood out, because I couldn't write anything down. I reread it today, and immediately I saw

"He fed you with manna...so that you would learn that men and women don't live by bread alone; we live by every word that comes from God's mouth."

I noticed today, that God provided the Israelites with tangible food, to feed their mortal stomachs, all the while making the point that we don't live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from God's mouth.

The point I hear him making to me is...yes, I know your human body needs tangible food...I made you. Remember? I want you to realize that you don't live by tangible food...you live by me...don't fear when the food isn't there...depend on me...and I will provide you with the tangible food your stomach needs to survive. In other words...don't fear when the money for Africa isn't showing up...you don't need the money...you need me. I know you need the money to get over there...I created the world you live in...and I know how it works. Still, don't fear the lack of money...fear me...I can get you the money you need...by speaking it into being...I am God!!!!!

I get this feeling that God wants me to depend on Him for everything, and as I learn that dependence...REALLY learn it...I will see AMAZING things...and so will you.

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Monday, May 5, 2008

"You've Never Been On This Road Before"

9:45 PM by Christi Bowman

In my last post, I wrote that I was in a state of uncomfortable limbo. I know there is a long term calling on my life, and that of my family's, to live indefinitely in Africa. Right now, though, as my family waits on God's timing for Africa, there has arisen a calling, so to speak, right where I am at. I feel like I have become a pain magnet. Everywhere I go I find hurting people who need someone to confide in, and I become their confidant, and later their intercessor. When I find myself in this situation, I feel led by the Holy Spirit, to start talking about my recent "conversion". He wants me to tell people what He has done for me. I am not used to talking about God as if He is knowable in this life time, until now, I was sure He wasn't. I knew I believed in God, but we didn't have a relationship. We didn't talk, I didn't ask Him for His opinion. I didn't seek God out. I didn't understand how knowable He could be. Since God called me out in October, my opinions about Him have changed. God told me He couldn't use me like this, and He has been pushing, nudging, and talking to me ever since. I know it is God because when I listen to His voice, and I follow His lead...things happen. Amazing things happen.

It is scary to be God's fool. It doesn't look right to other people, and a lot of the time it is not comfortable. I continually second guess God when He prompts me to tell my story. "Really?" I say. "Here?" "Now?" It always amazes me how right He is. Everyone that I have shared with, has expressed a craving for God to become that real for them. My story doesn't fix anything for them. In fact, I find that it stirs up questions I can't answer. I'm uncomfortable when God leads me to a place with no answers. My head tells me to trust the Holy Spirit, but my heart wonders why He left me hanging. Many people ask me, how our support is coming a long...and right now there is not much to report. We are literally waiting on God to open doors. It is uncomfortable, and it goes against everything I have ever been taught. Dependence on God is scary, because you give up your control. My mind knows that God's timing is perfect, but reassuring my heart that He is still around, when His timing is not immediate is more difficult. I am finding it hard to surrender control indefinitely. I am finding it hard to trust Him all the time.

He always comes through for me though. After I posted, on Friday, about feeling uncomfortable, and being in limbo I opened my Bible, and read Joshua 3 verse 4

"When you see the Covenant-Chest of God, your God, carried by the Levitical priests, start moving. Follow it. Make sure you keep a proper distance between you and it, about half a mile be sure now to keep your distance! and you'll see clearly the route to take. You've never been on this road before."

I cried. I literally felt Him lovingly reassure me of His presence in all of this. He told me that He sees the big picture. He confirmed to me that He understood how daunting this was for me, by letting me know that He knew I had never been on this road before. He knows this walking by faith is new to me. He told my heart that the distance it feels, when it is left hanging by faith, is the proper distance to see clearly the route I am to take. I can't constantly be on a high, or emotionalism would cloud my judgment. He told me to keep following Him, but at times, to see more clearly, it would need to be at a distance.

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Friday, May 2, 2008

Got empowerment?

12:57 PM by Christi Bowman

I Corinthians 4:20 - God's Way is not a matter of mere talk; it's an empowered life.

I believe this verse, REALLY believe it. I have seen glimpses of it in my own life. I have been empowered to remove some SERIOUS addictions...they are GONE now...and I have NO desire to go back to them. Now what? I became accustomed to His unquestionable presence in my life. I didn't ask Him. God just appeared. He dug in, and He called ME. Now that He has my attention, I feel like I have to remind Him that He called me, and tell Him that I am still here...waiting. I have a TREMENDOUS need for God. I have an addictive personality, and He's my drug. In the past, I have been spoiled by instant gratification from my worldly addictions...but right now I'm having to wait, and it's getting uncomfortable.

Some of His promises are that this season of Kevin's and my life is over. He is moving us on. He has let both of us know that He is taking care of our funding needs, and that He will sell our house. He has definitely been busy weeding out many things in our lives that were a part of the old season. He has brought us to this place of uncomfortable limbo, and the nudging has seemed to stop. Where did the empowerment go? I am not feeling empowered! Yet, while we are still here, in uncomfortable limbo land, He has brought into my life, a small community of hurting Christians. I thought, for a while, I might be able to help. I was living an empowered life. He was there, and I knew it. I wanted to tell everyone that I was involved with, that He could be as real for them, as He was for me. He was more than a religion, an ideology...insurance. He was a friend, and a father. He had visited me, and had done miraculous things for me...I, for the first time in my life, had gotten what REAL Christianity had to offer...a tangible relationship with Almighty God. It's not so tangible right now. These hurting Christians have A LOT of good questions, and I can't make God speak to them in a way that they can hear Him...and I can't make them hear Him. I used to have A LOT of questions for God too, but with the sound of His voice, He answered ALL of them...but what do you do when fellow sufferers can't hear His voice? Pray? I am. I can't make Him show up for them like He did for me. I want to, but I just can't.

So hear I sit, in limbo, with an addiction to a God I can't control. He works differently than any drug I have ever experienced before...yet I am always wanting more. I sense God working, although for now I can't really hear Him...or see Him. I can't go back, nor do I even desire to. I don't want Egypt, but I don't want the desert either. I want the promise land. I want abundant life everyday. I want an empowered life!

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