Sunday, February 7, 2010

Questions and Thoughts about Baby Landina

11:20 PM by Christi Bowman

I sent the following letter to Shaun King, pastor of Courageous Church in Atlanta, asking questions about his efforts for Baby Landina. Although I did not know how the pastor would respond to my questions, I was not at all prepared for his response via his Twitter stream.

I was fairly shocked at being called a Wackjob and an evil stalker by a person who I respected for the amazing relief work he has been orchestrating for Haiti. My intentions in writing the letter were never cold or demeaning, but instead stemmed from a desire to seek understanding.

Perhaps I have sanctity of life issues, I don't know. My understanding tells me this is a journey and I don't have to have all the right answers today. The only way I will learn is by asking questions and feeling people and issues out as I discuss them.

I cannot guarantee you that I will in any way come to your conclusions once you share them with me, nor will I feel the need to apologize for how I see things should I choose after talking with you to keep my own current opinion regarding baby Landina.

We all see through a glass dimly. Neither one of us has the right answer. I in no way see you as an expert...you have a different opinion than me, and I am seeking wisdom.

Baby Landina has no parents and no known living relatives. She is a resident of the poorest country on her continent where without parents or relatives she will most likely end up in an orphanage with pretty poor living conditions. She needed to have her arm amputated. Forgive me if I am wrong, but third world countries don't strike me as having an over abundance of white collar jobs. Without an arm, even if she was to live, what kind of future would she have?

I am in no way advocating for mass killings of the underprivileged by asking these questions. It is just that this baby is on the brink of death, and life isn't what I would call a gift. There is tons and tons of pain in the world even for those of us that live with immense amounts of privilege. I can't imagine life being any worse and yet I know that it is for much more of the world than it isn't. A very sad reality.

God doesn't promise us a pain free existence, not by a long shot...I would even say that pain is a gift...but in that same way that Jesus tells his disciples that He doesn't give to them like the world gives to them. I'm not advocating that we let people die in order to help them avoid pain. I am saying though that I think death can be a gift. If the situation is looking impossible it may just be that God wants to give his precious 3month old Landina the gift of death.

I happen to be a universalist and believe that this side of eternity is not the only place you get to make eternal decisions...but even non universalists show grace to a 3 month old. What could she possibly need this life for at 3 months? Her future looks bleak...sure she could beat the odds, but her future is still bleak because life is bleak...whether privileged or underprivileged.

If things were lining up for baby Landina that would be great...I guess if you feel the need to stamp and shout to intervene...whatever...I just think that sometimes God wants something, but does something else b/c people ask him to...I think we should be careful and consider everyone when we are asking God to intervene...

For what reason or for whom exactly are you/we asking God to intervene? I started following you b/c I thought you had something to say, but I have been getting the vibe lately that this is a lot more about you...perhaps it didn't start out that way, but you've been getting a lot of attention and I see all the talk of awards...Are you sure you aren't doing this to be a hero? Do you plan on keeping tabs on baby Landina if she is kept alive to see what God spared her for or do you just want to see her live so you can say you made it happen?

Don't get me wrong, I think being a hero is fine...the world probably needs heroes. You have done some great things and the noise you have made has impacted thousands and may impact millions. I have retweeted you on several occasions...even prompted my husband to give money to some of the things you have organized.

Forgive me if my hunch is wrong, but I sincerely feel as though you may be crossing a line here. I do believe that God answers prayer...I believe God at times gives up what God wants for what we ask for. I personally have ceased praying for miracles like this one b/c we don't know everything...we can't possibly take into consideration everything.

For us and our kids, living in industrialized nations, life can seem beautiful and well worth living...it can seem to us that if u don't get to live you miss out...but life isn't like that for everybody.

Perhaps God is sparing her from this life b/c he doesn't want to watch what her future will be...it will hurt God to watch her live out what others must live out...b/c of this tragedy she may be getting a pass and so might God. What if you are asking God to endure pain God wouldn't have to if God takes her into his presence..what if, b/c God loves you and those you have gotten to pray, he does indeed give you what you asked? You don't have to endure what God now has to endure....you don't even have to live the life Landina has to...which will be far harder due to the death of her birth parents and a missing arm in the third world. You don't have to be Landina's child whose life will be more complicated b/c her/his mommy doesn't have an arm. Nope, you get to live your cushy American life while others suffer at the hands of your prayer...and it will all be God's will (b/c he chose to answer your prayer) and he will make something beautiful out of the mess...but you have no idea what you are asking for...

this is all emotional and so "now" oriented and bent out of your world view which isn't the only one.

I have not meant to hurt you, make you mad or anything else. I have been blunt, but that is the only way I know how to get across what I feel I need to get across. I do not wish to unfollow you because I disagree so please if you are going to respond at all do not reply with that. I respect you... Think you have good motives ect...I just have bad feelings about this and wanted to discuss/share

Thanks for your time

Christi

As you can see in the first three paragraphs, I do nothing but admit that my understanding is more than likely flawed. I was hoping to get the perspective of a man I admired from a far but was having trouble understanding in that moment. As an American, behind the scenes, I have done what I can do...given where I can give...and will continue to do so. What is going on in Haiti is beyond my comprehension. There are no easy answers.

This morning, I read, In "Conspire Magazine:"

"Close to the end of all things there is a Hello. And we realize that the end of all things is the beginning"

I have a twitter friend, Hugh Hallowell, who says:

"Jesus won't pay your utility bill, but he will sit in the dark with you"

I'm working out my salvation and doing the best that I can to make some sort of sense out of this God I am madly in love with. I mean no disrespect and am always willing to dialogue. I will be the first to admit that I am wrong...but I will need to discuss it. My favorite verse is "We all see through a glass dimly" To me that says, don't take yourself too seriously, but it also gives me the freedom to take everyone else less seriously.

Peace.

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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Past, The Future, and Living in the Present.

9:26 PM by Christi Bowman

I went to the gym alone and worked out hard. My reward, as always, was a nice long sit in the sauna. While inside, I read the fourth chapter of my current book for a second time (it had blown my mind the first.) It did so again.

I am rarely competitive, except for in the gym. My competitive nature kept me seated in the sauna for five minutes longer than my usual thirty; I like to be the first one in and the last one out. I have no idea why this is, but my resolve is high and my tenacity strong. As I exited the tiny room of cedar, my body was dripping and my head and heart were pounding. I was the last one to leave, but the sauna was the only winner.

I sat down on a bench in the women's locker room, next to locker twenty six, preparing to cool down, relax, and meditate on the powerful concepts in chapter four. For a brief moment in time my body relaxed, all tension was gone, and I was completely taken by the holiness of solitude.

But, as soon as I began to enjoy my chance at reflection I felt bitterness creep into my soul. In a split second I "watched" anger and resentment steal my joy. I had stumbled upon some much needed time of solitude, and my thoughts would not allow me to stay in the present long enough to enjoy it. Instead, my thoughts began bemoaning the fact that in my current phase of life I cannot count on these times...

I came to the conclusion that I am never alone; even my thoughts disturb me. Are my thoughts me?

When I was younger, before marriage, I was scared of being alone...forever. The thought of that fear consumed me. Once married, my husband would need to leave sometimes, and the fear of being alone would overwhelm me. When I found out I was pregnant I was over joyed...I would never find myself alone again. I have been pregnant three times now and I am never alone. I often find myself dreaming of the day when I can expect to be alone...most of the time.

As I sat on the bench by locker twenty-six, thinking about the past and coveting the future, a horrible thought presented itself. It seemed to ask me why I thought, if I had yet to learn to live in the present, a future present would bring any real satisfaction? It seemed to taunt me by pointing out that my past futures had in all actuality never completely solved the problem of my existence. If marriage had not calmed my fears, and parenthood had not brought me true happiness, than why did I seem to put my hope in the fact that true happiness still lies ahead in the future? It doesn't, it never will. When I arrive in my future present, what will be there to keep me from living in that present?

As if by some gift, I saw what my older self would worry about when I finally got all the alone time I had been coveting...what will rob me of joy in the future will once again be the fear of being alone. My children will be gone and I will worry about whether I did right by them and that thought will haunt me when I am alone...it will haunt me because I spent the time I was with them coveting a future without them.

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

It Should Cost Something!

8:03 PM by Christi Bowman

I found myself in the middle of a small controversy over a status update I had posted on Facebook the other day. The conversation quickly turned to a debate over wealth.

"Sometimes I am overwhelmed with passages like Luke 3:10-18 and think following Christ and U.S. culture are irreconcilable"

I have been mulling over many things these past few weeks and this discussion helped weave those many things together.

I have been wrestling, for the better part of a while now, with a God of miracles and healing vs. a God of suffering.

I think of Mother Theresa: As a nun she had taken a vow of poverty, and she lived in solidarity with the poor she was among. Before she would give away shoes to the needy she would claim. as her own the most inferior pair. Because of this practice her feet were in bad condition...malformed and misshaped. It has been said that her decision caused her no small amount of physical pain.

Mother Theressa's reality is difficult for Americans to understand, if we are honest. I think, for some of us, it would be hard to imagine taking the very worst pair of shoes...every time...but, it would also be very hard for us to understand, if we had indeed been blessed with enough insight to have that kind of humility, why God hadn't chosen to watch over our feet and keep them safe from harm. We would feel as though our great sacrifice had gone ignored and unappreciated.
before we go any farther I must state that I am a universalist. It is IMPORTANT that you realize I have NO ONE person in mind as I write this. If you disagree with me after reading (and many of you will) and you feel as though I am insinuating that the lifestyle you are choosing to live is in my opinion not the lifestyle of a true son or daughter of God than please choose to look on the bright side by keeping in mind that not only does my opinion not count for much, but as a universalist I am NOT condemning you to hell for not believing the way I do...all I want...all I EVER want is nice, civil conversation (please do not try and convince me of your rightful place in heaven...and/or mine in hell.)

In other parts of the world, where the Church is persecuted, becoming a Christian is no small decision. It is not something to be considered just because you fear the eternal flames of the afterlife or are intrigued by mansions and streets of gold. In some respects, by choosing to become a follower of Christ, in these parts of the world, you are making a decision to enter into a very real hell this side of eternity. In these places it is not uncommon, for those who are already Christians and have made the choice to suffer, to adopt a policy of making would be converts wait a minimum of two years to fully take on Christ. There hope is that these would be converts will take those two years to really consider the cost and be fully cognizant of the would be/could be ramifications should they choose to finalize their decision.

Where is American Christianity's waiting period? Why don't we have a cost to count? Could it be we got lucky by an act of chance so random as a birthright? Is it possible that there really is no hell to enter here? Might you be willing to consider, along with me, the idea that American Christianity has missed something intrinsically linked with salvation? Per chance has it for far too long held hands with the wrong side? Has American Christianity made friends in high places and become an institution of entitlement where comfort is the expected norm and the lack of it an abhorrent stench?

I argue that there is a hell to enter here and it is the hell of poverty. All of those who disagreed with my Facebook status (mentioned above) argued that wealth was indeed a blessing and insinuated, if not out right said, that I was harsh and ridiculous for even slightly insinuating that it might not be. I don't necessarily disagree (the jury is still out) that being a wealthy person could be considered a blessing, but if wealth is a blessing, and here comes the harsh part, I'm convicted that living as a wealthy person (most are considered wealthy in America) and enjoying the benefits of your wealth (myself included)...even if you give some away...while others suffer...can in no way be seen as part of that blessing from God.

A friend of mine who has chosen to enter hell, Stephen Lamb, talks often about God's economy being one where everyone has enough. I often think about how insulting the idea of this economy might be to us as Americans. At first blush it sounds like a nice idea. But if you dig deep enough into the statement it is nothing short of a slap in the face to how most American Christians choose to live. This isn't talking about raising the poor to a western middle class standard of living but rather entering into their suffering and sharing all resources equally. God's economy effects YOUR/MY life...YOUR/MY comfort!

I propose that in order to be considered a true son or daughter of God...a true walker in the ways of Jesus, we take a 2 year sabbatical from considering ourselves Christian just because we ascent to certain beliefs and we make this thing more than about acquiring a mansion on streets of gold or a getting out of hell free card. This Christianity needs to cost us something..it cost God everything! Upon his death Jesus entered into hell (Eph 4:8-10 & I Pet 3: 18) and upon making the choice to die to our flesh we need to as well.

As a minimum requirement, an act of solidarity or good faith, we should have to count the cost of leaving our secluded neighborhoods where our eyes never have to meet those of the homeless if we don't want them to, and we should move into depressed neighborhoods. I'm not talking about quitting jobs...go to your nice job, make your six figures...but if we want to be called true sons and daughters of God lets quit hoarding!

Sure, God has a permissive will. He makes the rain to fall and the sun to shine on both the evil and the good. You can be born or marry into the right family, you can have the right kind of brain, the most able of bodies, or even the best of looks...all of these things can help you earn a better living than those less fortunate and because of that you can call them blessings (although I'm not entirely convinced.) God will not smite you if instead of choosing His economy you choose to live in that of America's. But what if how we live and what we do with our wealth while those around us suffer is a test? Do you have more than enough while others do without? I know I do and I can't get rid of it fast enough.

Jesus, though he eased the suffering of many, never chose to ease his own suffering. He never really eased the suffering of his disciples either. In the gospels you don't see healing parties break out among Jesus and the twelve. God's blessings aren't for us. Jesus learned obedience through that which He suffered. True disciples choose to suffer and while choosing to suffer they pour out the blessings of God onto others!

I pray over each and every one of you the blessing of struggling with your comfort!

Peace.

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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Is a Christian Nation Anti-Christ?

2:14 PM by Christi Bowman

I love dialogue. My favorite part about reading a fellow blogger's blog is reading the comments his/her post has stirred his/her readers to make, because that is where the true conversation lies. A writer cannot disclaim everything nor can they come close to considering all of the opinions out there concerning the subject they have chosen to expound upon. It disturbs me when people get angry at the writer for not considering a certain aspect before writing his/her post. There is absolute merit to a reader pointing out something they believe the writer has not thought about when making his/her point...it is integral to discussion. Pointing out holes in a writer's thought helps both the reader and the writer form a more thought out opinion as long as both the reader and the writer are willing to be open minded. Still there is no need for anger, or sarcasm, or treating a writer as if they are stupid and not aloud to have an opinion if their post fails to champion a certain reader's opinion on the subject.

"To please all is to please none"

This post is a follow up post to yesterday's post: "Is Living Counter to American Culture Un-godly?" A dialogue about my post began in the comments section of Facebook. It seems that some readers saw my post yesterday as an attack on consumerism. It was not. My brother in law, as part of his response posted this:

"If instead I hear you call for a change in America because of over-indulgence, I can support that"

I love the family marrying my husband has brought into my life...and I thank my brother in law for his support as that means a lot to me. His comment about yesterday's post sparked this reply from me (spruced up and expounded upon for blog purposes) and I am writing it as a blog post because I think it helps further expound on what I was actually saying yesterday.

Viva la dialogue!

I don't think I would push for a change in America. Pushing for a change in America because of a belief system is exactly where I believe the problem lies! Because Christians believe in the "godly" heritage of America, it seems they feel they have a right, whenever they feel a Christian ideology has been trampled upon, to dictate the morality of the nation by shaking their fist in the air, insulting the American people by insisting on a national return to God, and dictating that return by insisting on the need to follow the particular Christian path they deem is the most correct and therefor the biblical one. I believe this is anti-Christ in that Jesus did not get the Roman empire nor the Jewish nation to back his ideology as part of his plan.

Why, if this was not the example that Christ set, do Christians, of all practices, feel the need to get America, the nation, on board to make their ideology legit? Why is their so much faith and trust in the dirty rotten system? What I don't believe Christian's realize, and maybe I am naive in this, is that if America, the nation, were to adopt a certain way of practicing Christianity, then because America is a nation and can only do what a nation does, then that particular way of practicing Christianity would become oppressive and therefor anti Christ.

Christianity preaches "Do unto others as you would have it done unto you" and "Love others as you love yourself" right? Why can't Christians practice what they preach and in so doing love Muslims, for example, like they love themselves and realize that since Christians would more than likely reject a Muslim nation it is more than probable that Muslims would reject a Christian nation and MAYBE...JUST MAYBE separation of church and state exists for far more reasons than to protect Christians from other religions, but it also serves to protect other peoples from the religion of Christianity (yes Christians, unfortunately people need protection from some of you as well)...HECK...I think we would ALL agree that if America adopted as its national practice some forms of the religion of Christianity (Fred Phelps anyone?) even those who call themselves Christians would feel oppressed...NOBODY wants a nation that gets behind a religion...unless it is their religion...and then it must be their faction of that religion. Why does a religion need a nation's help unless its plans are to be oppressive? The very call by Christians for the return of America back to her "godly" heritage is not only insulting, it is downright oppressive and anti the Christ it claims to follow!

To get to the point of my post: This is exactly why I have determined that living counter to the Christian culture of America is in fact very Godly. A Christian nation is anti-Christ!

Anti-consumerism was NEVER the point of yesterday's post. It was just ONE of the many ways of being counter cultural that I listed. Maybe it was the following quote that led some readers to believe I was attacking consumerism:

"Know ye, that not the happiness of this earth is the sign of God's grace, and not him whom the Lord loveth doth He exalt with happiness and good fortune. The possessions of this earth are not the prizes which God distributeth among His chosen. The possessions of this earth He giveth to the wicked for the little merit that is in them. Often He maketh His chosen one the target of arrows; His beloved ones He rewardeth with sorrows: He filleth the way of the righteous toward Him with thorns, for the sorrows of man bring him nearer to God." ~ The Nazarene (pg 301)

I utilized that quote as a way to insist that every time a people group gets national status to promote their ideology they are the oppressors and therefor the rich. That quote was an excellent way to say that God does not bless by wordly riches. If God were to bless with wordly wealth than most of the world's population would be DAMNED just because of where they were born and I refuse to believe that! It is a popular Christian belief in America to THINK God blesses monetarily because that is what Christianized America would have us believe...but Jesus himself states: "I do NOT give to you as the world gives"

I am NOT against consumerism as a nation of people practice it per se...I AM ABSOLUTELY AGAINST THE CHRISTIANIZING OF CONSUMERISM! Christianized consumerism absolutely oppresses those who in no way can afford to live up to the standards of the American dream. It leads them to believe that the blessings of God do not fall on them and therefor they must be one of God's unlovlies. The Christianization of of consumerism leads to debt as no one wishes to believe that they were solely created to be ignored by their creator and so they are willing to pay for the so called blessings of the American god with credit...and then the Christians come out and say that debt is a curse...does tying heavy burdens on the back's of people while not lifting a finger to help carry them ring a bell to anyone???

In closing I would like to state that I do not care how any Christian practices their religion. Be it Joel Osteen's "your Best Life Now" or a Mennonite congregation focused on self abnegation. The Christian Bible states that ALL see through a mirror dimly. ALL are wrong in their interpretation of God. Christian practices may have gems that point to God and reveal a facet of Him. Some forms of Christianity may speak to certain people about God and help them see Him more clearly, but no ONE Christian practice is the one and only way to God Almighty...get over yourselves!!! Christianity is one framework among many that God chooses to reveal Himself in...Jesus was a Jew.

May ALL Christians STOP seeking to Christianize a nation, that is by its very existence self seeking, to back up their own ideologies...it makes you look bad, and it confuses people who find themselves at your door step looking for true transformative spirituality! It is obvious you yourselves are spoiled self seekers who seek only to make yourselves comfortable in your own exclusive nation state! Instead choose to delve deeper into your particular understanding and choose to be a light of love and ACCEPTANCE in the dark places people find themselves in.

"When you dig deep enough into your own particularity you find universality" ~ Cornel West

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Monday, November 16, 2009

Is Living Counter to American Culture Un-godly?

12:07 PM by Christi Bowman

I have been researching freeganism and this exploration led to my first dumpster diving encounter last Thursday. This activity is not exactly legal. I found much that was edible especially in the way of produce.

Yesterday afternoon my husband prepared some of the squash that my friend and I had rescued. As we were enjoying our meal my husband stated: "I love eating food that represents standing in opposition to the system."

There is something exhilarating, for some of us residing in the good ol' U.S. of A, about living counter to the culture especially when ingrained deep into that culture is the American Civil Religion that calls itself Christianity. I wear my hair in dread locks for many reasons and I have a piercing on my face. I don't exactly look like your "typical" American and I look even less like your typical American Christian. Many American Christians would not even consider me a Christian and in the American sense I don't think I am.

"For a long time I listened to other people to decide whether I was still Christian or not...the great relief was I decided that I got to say if I was Christian or not and so I have relaxed enormously...I say I am a follower of the Christ path... " ~ Barbara Brown Taylor

I came across a post written by Brian McLaren who recently visited Australia. He stated that in some respects Australia is many years ahead of us because of the absence of cultural religion.

I hear a lot of people barking these days about turning America back to her "godly" roots and that language bothers me. By calling America godly or saying that she once was we label the unholy activities she has been in or is involved with as somehow "Christian". When we insinuate that God is on the side of America than everything that she does gets a free pass and those that stand against her practices are not only un-American but they are also anti-Christian and therefor assumed to be un-godly as well (that is a dicussion that deserves its own post.)

America is famous for her dream and the personification of that dream is known for its certain look, its particular way of being, and its possession of things. America's very mantra of life, liberty, and happiness reaffirms her obsession with "my life, "my liberty", and "my happiness."

"Know ye, that not the happiness of this earth is the sign of God's grace, and not him whom the Lord loveth doth He exalt with happiness and good fortune. The possessions of this earth are not the prizes which God distributeth among His chosen. The possessions of this earth He giveth to the wicked for the little merit that is in them. Often He maketh His chosen one the target of arrows; His beloved ones He rewardeth with sorrows: He filleth the way of the righteous toward Him with thorns, for the sorrows of man bring him nearer to God." ~ The Nazarene (pg 301)

Some of us have been in the process of rejecting the dream for a long time and others of us are in the beginning stages of turning our heads away in disgust (and hanging our heads in shame). The rejection of the American dream can be seen in the many choices people are making that are counter to the culture that tries to swallow us up. For some, rejection of the dream comes in standing up for one's own sexuality or for the sexuality of others that has, for way to long, been seen as "counter to the system." For others rejection of he system can be seen in their political leanings. Some people choose to wear the badge of rejection by their lifestyle choices, how they shop (or how they live without shopping) and in what they eat; others display their solidarity against the system with their appearance. There is no ONE way to appropriately reject the dream; I have found that there is usually a mixture of the behavior practices I have mentioned in a single individual and there are more ways to reject the system than I have the time to mention or the mind to understand.

Calling America a Christian nation makes all the things that we consider American come under this very exclusive umbrella of "godliness". This makes prophetic voices against the American dream very difficult to hear. Americans have clothed their American lives in Christian-ese: Today, to speak out against the American dream is seen as an attack on Christianity and to live in opposition to it, in the myriad of counter cultural ways, is considered ungodly.

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Thursday, October 22, 2009

Is Christianity Really Any Different?

2:26 PM by Christi Bowman

Seth Barnes, CEO of Adventures in Missions, posted on Facebook today that three of their missionaries are being held in Muslim jails for testifying about their faith in a Muslim nation (the AIM missionaries were released). My husband, Kevin, also posted about Christian missionaries in Africa who are responsible for the torture and murder of THOUSANDS of Nigerian children who were considered to be witches (the children were not released).

I'm sorry, but I find the timing of these two posts extremely ironic! Can we expect religion, by whatever name it calls itself, to be tolerant? Isn't a religion by its very nature intolerant? Is intolerance ever ok? If intolerance is ok for some than it must be ok for all; and if intolerance is not ok than no one should participate in it. How is it ok for one people group to say to another: "It is ok for me, by my very belief system, to not tolerate you, but your system of belief is irrelevant and not only must you tolerate me, but you must accept my belief system as your very own or in some cases die!" That sounds like oppression to me no matter whose name you do it in!

Are religions, because of their very in-tolerate nature, oppressive? How can the religion of Christianity call the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob (the God of the oppressed) their God when they oppress? I realize that Muslims call the God of Abraham their God too, but Christians claim that they are different because of their God. I do not know what claims Muslims make; I did not just claw my way out of the Muslim religion so I can not begin exposing Muslim hypocrisies. You may rest assured that I am an equal opportunist when it comes to religion and hypocrisy and believe that Muslims have plenty of their own hypocrisies.

My issue is that the Christian religion claims to be different and it absolutely is not! I know that some of you who associate yourself with the Christian religion will want to argue that the behaviors of the Christians in Africa don't speak for you; I urge you to read I Cor 12:12-26 with an emphasis on verse 26. If you claim that the religion of Christianity is the body of Christ and you claim to be part of that body of Christ than by the very words of your Bible, which you claim to be absolute truth, you stand condemned of these atrocities and so many more. Maybe we need to rethink associating the body of Christ with any particular religion.

The God that the religion of Christianity claims as its own is the God of the oppressed people not the God of the oppressor. It seems to me like the religion of Christianity may be in trouble with its own God...though you could make the case that He is not the God they claim at all. It doesn't really matter because it seems The God of the oppressed gets pretty hot and bothered by all people groups who oppress whether they claim Him or not.

Christianity as a religion is no different than any other religion and in the name of everything that really is Holy I sincerely wish that it would stop claiming to be. People who can't except the religion of Christianity are those who see right through the fear it uses as its weapon of conversion into the reality that it really has no better way to offer.

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Thursday, September 3, 2009

Just One of the Many Ways I Am NOT like Jesus.

12:04 PM by Christi Bowman

WOW...I have not written in almost three months. I have had a serious problem with writers block as I have been processing this particular phase of my journey; which I have found to be a bummer. I enjoy processing through writing and I like getting feedback both positive and negative. For those of you who may pick up right here let me offer up some insight into who I am.

I STRUGGLE with mothering. I lack the instinct. True unconditional and sacrificial love, of anyone, does not come at all easy for me. Matter of fact, when left to myself, I resent having to participate in it at all! I know what some of you might be thinking; Isn't it the human condition to struggle with that kind of love? I would say yes, but also let me say that I have spent plenty of time observing other mothers, in an effort to find out just what the heck is wrong with me, and I have come to the conclusion (however wrong it may be) that if a mother possesses the "mothering instinct" unconditional and sacrificial love, at least for her own children, flows from her in a beautiful and natural way. I am envious of that kind of love.

The admission of my struggle does not mean that I have come to accept it as okay; it just means that I acknowledge the truth about it. Honesty makes it easier to be more intentional, in hopes of developing the skill. I do not want to spend my life justifying my behavior and pretending that a real problem does not exist. I do love my children. It hurts me, in ways that are indescribable, to be so aware of the fact that I am unable to give my children what they need most in this world. I did not receive this kind of love growing up from anyone. I was constantly put in, what I have now identified to be, abusive situations: whether it was my own home, amongst extended family members, that of an abusive daycare provider, or in the corporal punishment atmosphere of a fundamentalist private school system. I say that I have identified my past situations as abusive because I recognize that my parents refuse to acknowledge anything of the sort and yes I struggle with that!

I am learning how to be a cycle breaker, and that learning process is far slower than suites my fancy. I often wonder aloud why God would allow my children to suffer as He takes His time with me.

Anyhow I digress big time!!

I was in the shower today and shampoo got in my eyes. Indignation rose up inside of me as I pushed through the burn until I was done scrubbing my hair. "See" I said to myself "If I can handle it why can't they?" For those of you who possess the mothering instinct you are appalled at the ludicrousness of that statement...and well you should be...But I am just being honest. They are children and I an adult. How would someone in their right mind even begin to expect children to be able to suffer quietly through what an adult is able to bear? Shampoo is going to get in the eyes sometimes...that is a fact...but I get so frustrated when my children whine and carry on about it like they do and I often times encourage them, in an embarrassingly gruff way, to " suck it up."

As I was priding myself on the handling of my own pain while proving that my expectations of my children were worthy ones Hebrews 4:16 entered my realm of thought:

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses."

Jesus, the expert in sacrificial and unconditional love sympathizes with us. He knows what it is like to be in our shoes and instead of treating us gruffly when we are unable to walk as He walked...He sympathizes!! If I am to allow unconditional and sacrificial love to develop in me than I need to work on being sympathetic to my children when they are suffering. This is how Jesus is making all things new as it concerns me; this is how He is teaching me. He lets me know right in the moment and in no uncertain terms who He is and when I see Him I know who I am not...but I know who He wants me to be. It is a very slow process...but a process none the less and at least I hear His voice and that is a good thing!!

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